Have you ever wondered why the things we want most in life always seem to take longer than we expect? In my experience it’s the Universe’s way of saying, “You’re not ready to handle what you’re asking for!” And if our “wants” involve major life changes, there are lessons to be learned along the way that are more important than the measure of time. 

Several years ago I left a comfortable life to start a new one, based on my desire to make a difference in the world. At the time I didn’t know how life would unfold, but I had the sense that I needed to shake things up or risk getting more comfortable and less courageous.   

I flew airplanes for a few months to have some fun and clear my head, and then locked in on my calling: I would become a writer and speaker. But as a physical education major with little writing experience, it occurred to me that I would have to sacrifice my flying for awhile so that I could afford to hone my craft.

When I started out, one of the great blessings was my inability to anticipate the amount of internal growth that would be required. Because leaping into the unknown was hard enough without having to consider the size of the jump. Now I appreciate the growth that comes with major life changes, even though it may be painfully slow at times. 

I’ve come to believe that as long as the momentum is forward, we’ll reach the day when we can stand up and announce to the Universe, “I’m ready.” 

And the Universe will respond, “Yes, you are!”

“There is strong shadow where there is much light.” 
 Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We are meant to live our lives in the light of work that feeds our purpose, and with people who encourage us to be more than we would accept if left to our own devices. But in a world where too many of us live in the shadows of banality and busyness, how do we move from dark to light?

For anyone present enough to sense the difference between the life they’re expected to live and the life they were born to live, shadows provide a contrast and a starting point for creating a purpose-filled life. But for the rest of us, shadows block the light meant to illuminate our path, and we must name the shadows in order to move forward:     

• Shadow Relationships are the friends and family who want us to live their version of our life. As far as they’re concerned, they know how the world works! And if we wander too far outside their comfort zone they will try to reel us back in, for fear that their version may be wrong for them as well.

• Shadow Jobs require us to trade the best, most productive and most creative parts of our day for work that fails to satisfy our soul. We are on this planet for a purpose, with unique gifts and a finite amount of time. So any work that requires us to sacrifice our “best and most,” is not worthy of our place in the world!   

Goethe’s quote assures us that there is light in our path, and warns us that the shadow between us and the light is formidable. It is not enough to think that if we live status quo lives the shadow will pass automatically and the light will be revealed. 

We must make the conscious effort to bring our relationships and our work into the light. It is crucial that we do all that we can to ensure that the people who surround us, and the work which fills our days, give honor to our reason for being.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

    Jim Rohn                                           

                                                                                                                         Every morning at the gym I run into Dan, a young, hard-working guy with a lot of potential and the desire to pursue his dream of becoming a fishing guide. But like most of us, he spends way too much of his time hanging around the people that like him just the way he is. And to be clear, none of those folks believe that being a fishing guide is a “realistic” way of earning a living. 

It takes a lot of courage to plant your flag in the ground and declare to the world, “This is what I want to do with my life!” But it takes even more courage to distance yourself from the people who are bent on having you stay exactly the way you are, especially when those people are family members and your closest friends.  

Over the years I’ve carefully monitored the energy and intentions of the people I allow into my life. And I don’t hesitate to hit the “un-follow” and “un-friend” buttons in cases of energy incompatibility, because dragging doubters along for the ride drains the substantial energy I need to overcome the inertia of comfort and fear. 

Take a moment to go back and reread Jim Rohn’s quote. Now, think about the people you’re closest to. Which of them supports your effort to discover your purpose, whatever it is? And which members of your “top five” would rather see you live their version of your life?

While distancing yourself from the doubters, it’s also essential to surround yourself with people who support your vision for your life, if you want to do the work you feel called to do. Those are the folks that will listen when things are not going as you planned, hold you accountable for your vision, and cheer for you when your vision comes to fruition.

Recently I watched Sarah, an older woman with Parkinson’s, climb onto a stage to read her poetry. “I’ll do my best to read,” she said softly and smiled at the audience. “In spite of the shaking.” Suddenly I realized I was witnessing what it means to be courageously vulnerable.

It sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? I mean, how is it possible to be courageous and vulnerable at the same time? But from what I’ve learned in my own creative life, both are essential for anyone who, like Sarah, dares greatly enough to wear their art on their sleeve. 

One night during our writer’s group meeting, my friend, Joy, noticed that I was not my normal happy self. At that point I was two years into writing a gut-wrenching memoir, and questioning my decision to put it all down on paper. “Martin, that painful stuff you’re writing about? That’s the good stuff,” she said. “That’s what we want to read.”

If you are starting a business, writing a book, or engaging in any other creative endeavor that you’re passionate about, you understand courage. But if you intend to release your vision into the world, you need to get comfortable with vulnerability. And the best place to begin is with the dictionary.com definition for vulnerable:  

“capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt”

It may be only four words, but I believe there’s a world of difference between “capable of” and “susceptible to.” Two are the energy of abundance, and the other two are the energy of fear. And for me, they’re the difference between releasing your vision into the world and allowing it to fade away. 

So I have two questions for you:

What are you susceptible to?

What are you capable of?

When the list of answers for your capability is longer than the list for your susceptibility, you’re on the path to sharing your passion and gifts with the world. 

So while Sarah uses courageous vulnerability to change the world with her poetry, I’m curious how you will use yours to change the world?

I can’t wait to find out.

Consider these words from Patanjali: “When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds. Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”

I believe each one of us has the unlimited potential to find and live our great purpose. And even though I understand the fear factor, I still get frustrated whenever I talk to people who are living scripted, paint-by-number lives that are comfortable, but courage-free.

Too often we choose paycheck and position over passion and purpose. We convince ourselves that we’re safe in the job, without considering the fact that we are only safe until the boss decides that we’re not. And then one day we’re escorted from our cubicle with ten years of work memories in a cardboard box.

The good news is that you can make a different choice right now. You can choose work that feeds your soul and makes a difference in the world, and arrive at the the intersection Aristotle referred to when he spoke of “the place where your talents and the needs of the world cross.” 

Begin by taking an inventory of your unique gifts and consider how best to use them to move the world forward. Ask yourself, “What is my purpose for being on this planet?” Then wait for the answer. And when it arrives, lace up your shoes and get on with it.

You, and our world, will reap the benefits.

dallasisnotatvshow:

Dallas Noir

"You’re kidding, right?"

"No, Martin. It’s definitely shingles."

I was incredulous. “Are you sure it’s not spider bites?”

"You are aware that I graduated from medical school, aren’t you?"

"Yeah, but I don’t understand. I’ve always been really healthy. How could this happen?"

Dr. Blay stared at his stethoscope and then back at me. “Shingles is triggered by stress. Do you have any stress in your life?”

"Well, nine months ago I left my job, sold my house and moved out of Baltimore without a backup plan. And now I’m writing a book about the mistakes I’ve made in my life. Is that stressful enough to get shingles?"

Dr. Blay smiled. “Yep, that’ll do it!”

* * * * 

In May of 2010 I had a four-level townhouse, a tolerable job that paid the bills, and the opportunity to do what I loved most: flying airplanes. The problem was that none of the material stuff was enough to silence my Soul’s search for meaning. So I got rid of my obligations and left town with my dog and a laptop.

Five months into my midlife awakening I realized that I couldn’t live the life I wanted to live until I’d dealt with the life I had. And it occurred to me that the best way to do deal with it was to write my life story, from my earliest memories through the day I left Baltimore for good.

While it sounded good in theory, it was excruciatingly painful in practice. Every morning I would stare at my computer screen until the words began to fall out, and then I wrote until I’d reached my pain threshold for the day. Three months and one case of shingles later, the first draft of my life was complete. 

With additional drafts I found the forgiveness necessary to heal from my self-inflicted judgements and past recriminations. What I once viewed as personal and professional disasters, I now saw as examples of my resiliency in times of crisis. And most importantly, my life story became a catalyst for my life’s work.   

One of my greatest takeaways from this experience has been the realization that it takes unforeseen courage to risk everything on a purpose for your life that nobody sees but you. But I also believe that each one of us has the innate courage we need for the journey.   

So if your Soul’s call-to-purpose is waging a battle with your brain’s call-to-fear, and you’re ready to side with your Soul, get out some paper or boot up your computer. Write the first draft of your life and take a giant step on the path to your reason for being in the world.

The pitch-black sky matched my mood as I stepped out the back door of the hotel to stare at the ocean. This trip to Cotonou had been a last-ditch effort to make sense of my life. But after being swindled out of my last ten thousand dollars, the only good thing about being in West Africa was the fact that I’d somehow managed to avoid the rainy season.   

I couldn’t believe that my life had veered so far off course. Two years earlier I was a signed contract away from realizing my dream of becoming a successful international businessman. And now I was out of money and five thousand miles from home. I felt achingly alone. 

Lost in a wave of severed dreams, I looked up at the sky and muttered the only God-words I could muster at the time:    

"Why am I here?"

And when the Divine failed to intervene with an answer, I figured that even God had deserted me. So I headed back to my hotel room for another night of ceiling-staring. 

For two decades I asked myself that same question whenever my dreams went south. And just like on that night in Cotonou, there were no immediate flashes of insight, just a seemingly open-ended question in search of a solution. 

But what I realize now is that asking the question is often more important than receiving an immediate answer. Because it opens us up to the possibility that our lives are meant to be more than our present-moment reality; and that with each ask we get closer to the answer that resonates with our soul’s call-to-purpose.

If you believe that you were meant to do more with your life, ask yourself the question. And if all you hear is crickets, understand that the answer may not come in “your time,” but it will come at the right time, so keep asking. Because it’s true what the Buddha said, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

That being said, let me start the ball rolling:

Why are you here?

In the midst of the busy, and sometimes unconscious, lives that we carve out for ourselves, it’s easy to forget our Soul’s longing to exchange busyness for purpose. 

In a world where the forces of average are grounded in generations of sameness, it’s not easy to choose heart over herd, and the journey can often feel like a solitary one. 

But with experience, we understand that our greatest triumphs are forged in the fires of our greatest struggles. And in pursuing our reason for being in the world, we are never really alone.

Soul says:

"I’ve been with you for the journey."

"I was there when you fell."

"I was there when he told you it was over."

"I was there when the doctor gave you the bad news."

"I was there when you told me you couldn’t take it anymore."

"But I was with you when you came into this world. And I know why you’re here."

"I know your talents and gifts."

"And most importantly, I know you can do this!"

"It will take every bit of courage you have!"

"And there will be times when you want to give up, when it seems like you cannot take another step."

"But you are stronger than you know, so keep stepping!"   

"Because I will never give up on you!"

The good news is that for as long as we have breath, we have the opportunity to find and live our purpose for being in the world.”

So take a breath, and take a chance.”

Last week my friend Susan stopped me in the gym to introduce me to Michelle, a woman who was three months and twenty-five pounds away from realizing her dream of becoming a police officer. (Now I could pontificate on the ridiculousness of a healthy 5’6” woman being told that she had to go from 150 pounds to 125 pounds in three months because some training academy official was in love with his/her arbitrary height-weight charts, but that’s a blog post for another day).

Susan said that she was concerned about the fact that Michelle had hit a plateau in her training and that as a result she’d become really negative about her prospects for being accepted into the academy. And as a former bodybuilder, she asked if I had any suggestions that could help her to lose the weight. 

Michelle teared up as she told me that becoming a police officer was her dream job. And that she was afraid that she would fail to lose the weight, get kicked out of the academy and end up with nothing. And at that point it was clear to Susan and me that weight was definitely not her biggest challenge.

So we spent some time working to get Michelle to a place where she could begin to believe in herself again. And at one point I even drove home to get a book that I knew would inspire her. Then when I ran into Susan at the gym a week later, she happily reported that Michelle was back on track and headed toward her goal of reporting to the academy at the required weight. 

On the way home from the gym that day I thought about how important Susan was to Michelle’s success. And it occurred to me that we’re constantly surrounded by angels like Susan who are ready, at a moment’s notice, to wade into the muck of our fears and worries and pull us out onto the dry land of our hopes and dreams. Sometimes they’re folks we already know. And at other times they’re strangers who wander into our lives for a moment or two and offer a kind word or a positive idea that propels us forward. 

So how can you spot your angels? 

They’re the folks that say, “I believe in you” when you don’t believe in yourself. They’re the people that say, “You can do it” when you don’t believe that you can. And they’re the ones who say, “Let me show you how I did it” when you’ve lost your way and need a way out.