Yesterday on my way home from Bridgewater, I got to thinking about my life and my place in the world. The word purpose came to mind and I immediately considered the way I make my living and how so many of us do jobs with no real nod to the work we arrived on this planet to do. It occurs to me that, for most of us, we just put our heads down and plough through whatever it is that we have to do to pay the mortgage, feed the family, pay the cable bill, etc. And while there is certainly honor in doing that, I wonder if, at the end of our life-journey, we’ll look back on our time here and feel fulfilled.
In Tolstoy’s book, “The Death of Ivan Ilyich,” Ivan, on his deathbed, says to his wife, ”What if my whole life has been wrong?” This morning I’m thinking about those words and my ride in the car yesterday, and the fact that it takes so much courage to step out on faith to discover the work and the purpose of our lives. It doesn’t matter if we’re unemployed, employed, or retired. It’s not important if we’re 9 or 90. What is important is that we take a moment to stop and consider where we are and where we feel called to go.
My friends Dave and Sarah were the parents of three beautiful, healthy kids. And like most folks with three young kids and full-time jobs, they lived at a fairly frenetic pace most of the time. And also like most folks, at some point they lost touch with each other and their marriage suffered. One day Sarah found out that they were expecting their fourth child. The pregnancy went along relatively normally, until one day during a test they found out that their child, Matthew, was suffering from a genetic condition that meant he would die not long after being born. As you can imagine, Dave and Sarah were crushed!
But the parents-to-be became unified. They decided that when their son arrived, they would love him and enjoy whatever time they had with him. And when Matthew greeted the world for the first time, his parents rejoiced in his birth. The whole family showered him with love, knowing that their time with Matthew was short. And six months later when Matthew died, I had the honor of being at a ceremony celebrating Matthew’s life. After the service, Dave and I talked about their son’s short life and what he had meant to them. Dave said that as sad as they were that Matthew had died, they believed that Matthew had lived out his purpose. I asked him to explain.
Dave told me that before Matthew’s birth, he and his wife had been really struggling with their marriage and that they’d begun to take each other for granted. But in dealing with the sadness of the circumstances surrounding what would be their son’s short life, thay had rediscovered their love for each other and had grown closer together than they’d been since they were first married. And they believed that Matthew had arrived here with the purpose of helping them reunite and find love for each other again. So that once Matthew had completed his purpose, he went home to be with God.
The cynic in us can look at such a sentiment and say that these were two grieving parents just trying to find some comfort to hold onto in the loss of their son. But I think that the message is much bigger. For me, Matthew’s life was a reminder that we all have a purpose that needs to be fulfilled, if we are to live lives of meaning.
In the moment when we slip from this world into our next adventure, wouldn’t it be an amazing feeling to leave less like Ivan and more like Matthew? And the beautiful thing about it is that we can begin right now to reassess, and move our lives courageously in the direction of our purpose.
What are you here to do with your life? If you know the answer then do it. If you don’t know the answer, it is time to ask yourself the question!
Carpe Diem!