Soul-Food, Italian Style

I’m sitting at a table at one of my favorite Italian restaurants. Mary’s my waitress. At the end of the meal she brings me the check and we engage in some small talk about her major and what she wants to do after college. I sense the lack of enthusiasm in both her...

What To Do When Your Universe Collapses

It seems natural to want to go back to the person you were after you’ve lived through a tragedy. After all, that’s a comfortable choice. It feels safe. But it’s unrealistic. Because we can never go back to who we were after our Universe collapses. The alignment of who...

Against a Wall

When Mom left this world not long ago, the emotional upheaval and profound sense of loss and loneliness was something I had never experienced before. Five months later, I still find myself expecting her to round the corner or ask me to check out one of her new...

Finding the Light In a Sea of Sadness

I spent fifteen years in a self induced relational coma, convinced that a former lover’s painful words were my truth, rather than her reality. That’s roughly 5500 days of consciously avoiding intimacy with women. And even though it would be easy to view those days as...

What’s Your Answer to Life’s Most Important Question?

Lately I’ve been thinking alot about the two primordial emotions of life, Love and Pain, and all of the sub-emotions that arise from them. And what’s interesting to me is that, even though love is our nature and pain is learned, we tend to live in pain and long for...

Why Are You Here?

The pitch-black sky matched my mood as I stepped out the back door of the hotel to stare at the ocean. This trip to Cotonou had been a last-ditch effort to make sense of my life. But after being swindled out of my last ten thousand dollars, the only good thing about...

Masahide’s Barn and the Meaning of Life

After watching his barn burn to the ground, 17th Century samurai and poet Mizuta Masahide wrote the following haiku: “Barn’s burnt down now I can see the moon” Masahide’s quote came to me, as most God-winks do, at a time when I was struggling to see the half-full...

How to Raise Your Average

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn Every morning at the gym I run into Dan, a young, hard-working guy with a lot of potential and the desire to pursue his dream of becoming a fishing guide. But like most of us, he...

B.B. King Got It Right

I reached a watershed moment in May 2010, when my desire to do work that mattered became greater than the fear of the unknown. The job and the house were no longer enough of an incentive to keep me from making a difference in the world. So I got rid of the vestiges of...

Forward Slowmentum

Have you ever wondered why the things we want most in life always seem to take longer than we expect? In my experience it’s the Universe’s way of saying, “You’re not ready to handle what you’re asking for!” And if our “wants” involve major life changes, there are...