What To Do When Your Universe Collapses

It seems natural to want to go back to the person you were after you’ve lived through a tragedy. After all, that’s a comfortable choice. It feels safe. But it’s unrealistic. Because we can never go back to who we were after our Universe collapses. The alignment of who...

Against a Wall

When Mom left this world not long ago, the emotional upheaval and profound sense of loss and loneliness was something I had never experienced before. Five months later, I still find myself expecting her to round the corner or ask me to check out one of her new...

Finding the Light In a Sea of Sadness

I spent fifteen years in a self induced relational coma, convinced that a former lover’s painful words were my truth, rather than her reality. That’s roughly 5500 days of consciously avoiding intimacy with women. And even though it would be easy to view those days as...

What’s Your Answer to Life’s Most Important Question?

Lately I’ve been thinking alot about the two primordial emotions of life, Love and Pain, and all of the sub-emotions that arise from them. And what’s interesting to me is that, even though love is our nature and pain is learned, we tend to live in pain and long for...

Why Are You Here?

The pitch-black sky matched my mood as I stepped out the back door of the hotel to stare at the ocean. This trip to Cotonou had been a last-ditch effort to make sense of my life. But after being swindled out of my last ten thousand dollars, the only good thing about...

Masahide’s Barn and the Meaning of Life

After watching his barn burn to the ground, 17th Century samurai and poet Mizuta Masahide wrote the following haiku: “Barn’s burnt down now I can see the moon” Masahide’s quote came to me, as most God-winks do, at a time when I was struggling to see the half-full...