I spent fifteen years in a self induced relational coma, convinced that a former lover’s painful words were my truth, rather than her reality. That’s roughly 5500 days of consciously avoiding intimacy with women. And even though it would be easy to view those days as lost time, it would be a mistake because everything happens for a reason, and it’s our responsibility to learn and grow from it.
What I learned from those 5500 days is that it takes courage to look for light in a sea of sadness that threatens to swallow us whole. Most of us would rather blame others or ourselves rather than look for the lesson in our suffering. But when we believe that something good can come from our pain we invite the healing process to begin.
Looking back on it now, it’s almost incomprehensible that I constructed an emotional wall strong enough to buttress the belief that I was unworthy of a loving relationship. But that wall crumbled the moment I found the courage to share my story with a close friend. Suddenly I realized that my ex’s reality was her problem and not mine, and that the only measure of my worthiness that mattered was the value I placed on myself.
We can learn and grow from any painful situation if we’re willing to risk vulnerability for the opportunity to heal. We can find love if we become love, first for ourselves and then for others. And regardless of how long it takes to find the light, it’s there because it has always been there. It’s just that sometimes we have to look for it longer than we want to, but there are valuable lessons in the search.
So all of this prompts me to ask what you’re searching for?
Whatever it is, I believe you’ll find it when the “out there” is aligned with your “in here,” because your Soul lights the path of courage, meaning and love and connects you with the light that created the Universe. So if you feel engulfed in a sea of sadness look for the light, and eventually the sea will part to reveal who you truly are…
Whole and Perfect as you were created.