Recently I completed the manuscript for my first book. It’s the true story of a ten-year period in my life that was filled with amazing adventures, a bit of international intrigue, and more painful experiences than anyone should have to go through in a single lifetime. It’s a “lessons learned” kind of book that I hope will inspire people to create and live their Best Stories (aka their Best Lives).

I had blocked that ten-year period out of my mind for a long time, because it was too painful to think about or deal with on any level. And then three months ago I summoned the courage to write my way through the pain of that old story and the most amazing thing happened…I began to heal.

In the midst of writing my old story, I found myself in an odd place. I didn’t want to continue writing because the memories were so painful. At the same time, I found myself unable to stop writing. So I had to make a decision to quit or continue. I chose to honor the voice inside of me that implored me to continue writing my story. I plodded on, enduring a couple of stress-induced minor illnesses and several short bouts of frustration (how could I have been so stupid to…) to come out on the other side of my old story, ready to create and live my Best Story.      

I believe that our past experiences are not random events, but stories that we create and live. And it occurs to me that if we create them, we can also let them go, in favor of creating and living our Best Story. I’m convinced that wherever we are in life, regardless of age, financial condition, past or present circumstances, we can let go of our old stories in favor of creating and living our Best Stories.

For most of us, our Best Story is always a work-in-progress. We move through life…loving, leaving, crying and laughing. Sometimes we’re stopping to smell the roses and at other times, somebody’s hurling lemons at us and we’re desperately looking for the lemonade recipe.  

So with that in mind, I’m curious to know if you have ever stopped to think about what you’re telling the world with your story? Do you believe that you’re living your Best Story? Are you willing to let your old story go?

If you want to move in the direction of your Best Story, a good place to begin is with one question and four energies.

First, the question: If money was irrelevant and failure was impossible, what would you do with your life?

If you listen for, trust in and act on the answer to that one question, it will likely guide you in the general direction of your Best Story. 

The four energies that we can call on at any point along the journey, to assist us in creating and living our Best Story are Passion, Intention, Gratitude and Grace

•Passion - Doing what inspires us

•Intention - Focusing our energy (thought and action) on our passion

•Gratitude - Expressing gratitude for the journey and for our blessings along the way

•Grace - Living with humility equal to our blessings

Passion starts us down the path to our Best Story. Intention keeps us steady on the path. Gratitude opens the path to attract more blessings along the way. Grace widens the path so that others may join us.

I’m not real comfortable with the word “fail.” Mainly because I believe that everything we do in life produces a result, and that what’s most important is what we do with the result.

Setting that aside for a moment, yesterday morning I started thinking about all of the major things I’ve attempted in my life. Or at least the things I’d labeled as “major.” And it occurred to me that in every one of those instances, if achieving the desired outcome was considered a success, they were all abject “failures.”

And in the midst of my reflection, the most amazing and wonderful thing happened: I started laughing. First, because of the fact that none of my major life events had worked out the way that I had originally planned. None of them! And I’m talking about seven or eight things that most of us would consider big deals. The absurdity of it just struck me as funny. And second, because I realized that the important thing was not necessarily the success or “failure” of the event. It was the learning that had taken place.

When I stopped laughing, I asked myself, “so why did it take me twenty-five years of trying and “failing” to get to the point where I can now laugh about past events and learn from them?” And the answer came back to me in the form of a Buddhist proverb:

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

There it is. Game-set-match. Check please. The answer? At the time I was going through the events I was not present enough to learn from the results. And my attachment to the outcome was too great to allow for clarity. But at 5:17 on a Tuesday morning in February, twenty-five years later, I got it.

And then the voice in my head said something even more profound:

“If you’re not failing, you’re not trying.”

Whatever you want to do in life, go for it! Get in there and mix it up. Produce some results. And if things don’t go exactly the way you planned, step back for a moment and reassess. Consider what you learned from your efforts. And then be grateful for the courage you showed in the attempt and move forward. Because the one thing I know for sure is that in the end, you and the world will be a better place for your efforts.

Carpe Diem

It’s always amazing to me how simple life really is.

I’ve read tons of books and traveled around the world. I’ve meditated, reflected, and spent a bunch of quality time with myself. And after all of that, I’m sitting in my room this morning thinking about the fact that the key to living a passionate and purpose-filled life comes down to one thing:

 Making a choice

Now I’m not discounting the reading, self-awareness and life experiences, because that’s an important part of the deal. But at the end of the day, we must choose to pursue our Best Lives or assume the default position: 

Living our lives based on the fears and expectations of others.

I’ve read several books by Carlos Castaneda. And the other day I came across one of his quotes that really resonated with me:

“We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.”

There it is! It’s not about the effort. It’s about the choice.

Here’s another one of my favorites (author unknown):

“Faith and fear have something in common. They both ask you to believe in unseen things.”

Once again, choice. So if we’ve got to believe in something unseen, why not choose Faith?

Look, I get that life’s default position is easy. No consciousness required. But if in the end it doesn’t create the Joy, Passion and Purpose of a well-lived life, what’s the point? 

We can begin today by making a choice to move in the direction of our Best Lives. And then take a step. It doesn’t have to be a big one. Just forward momentum.

If Faith is required, don’t worry about mountain-moving size. Mustard seed size will do for now.

If Courage is required, don’t worry that you need to start your journey with massive amounts. All you need is incremental courage. Start with a little and watch it grow.

And watch as your life begins to soar.

Carpe Diem

This morning I attended a memorial service for a dear man and a dear friend. The circumstances of his passing were both tragic and sudden. But the reality of his life was that he created beauty in the lives of everyone he touched. And the memory of that beauty is firmly fixed in the hearts and memories of everyone that knew him.

Jim was motivated by his mission to make the world a better place for everyone. His life and his work set a bar that we should all strive to reach. Because there can be no greater mission for us in life. And as the sadness over his loss fades, it will be replaced by an overwhelming sense that his life on earth mattered.

For me, the message in Jim’s life and in his passing is this:

We should do all that we can to live lives that matter.  

For Jim, this meant using his unique talents and gifts to do the work he felt called to do in the world. And like Jim, we are all endowed with unique talents and gifts. And our mission on earth should be to discover, develop and use them to create beauty in the world. To live lives that matter. 

As I left the church this afternoon, I saw the faces of so many people who loved Jim. So many lives touched and made better because he was here. 

That’s the beauty of a well-lived life.

It lives on.

Thank you, Jim.

Recently I watched a documentary film about Philippe Petit, who walked a tightrope between the twin towers of the World Trade Center in 1974. And it occurred to me that sometimes our lives feel like a high-wire act. Whether it’s money, the kids, our health or some other pressing issue, we try to maintain our balance on a very thin line. Make it to the other side and we can breathe again. Fall off the wire and who knows what could happen next.

But what if we choose instead to view our high-wire act as the path to our Best Lives?

One of my favorite quotes from Wayne Dyer is, “When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.”

Consider the wire as the path from where you are to where you want to go with your life. And the pole you carry for balance, your belief in your gifts, talents, and purpose for being in the world. So with a path established and a belief in yourself, you’re now ready to take that first step out onto the wire to begin the journey.

So what’s required for the first step?

Belief: Believe that you have unique gifts, talents and a purpose for being here

Faith: We’re not talking complete faith -  more like mustard seed size faith.

Incremental Courage: Begin with a little bit of courage and watch it grow

Maybe you’re thinking to yourself that Philippe Petit had some sense of fearlessness that enabled him to cross a thin wire from one tower to the other. And you’d be wrong. In the film he talked about his fear of falling. But the vision for his life was bigger than his fear. So he took that first step off the ledge and onto the wire with courage, a belief in his abilities, and faith in himself.

Create a bigger vision for yourself. String a wire from where you are to where you want to go. Believe in yourself and know that you arrived in this world with talents, gifts and a purpose. And have just a little bit of faith and courage. Just enough to get you started.

And watch as your life begins to soar.

Carpe Diem

Recently I watched a documentary film about Philippe Petit, who walked a tightrope between the twin towers of the World Trade Center in 1974. And it occurred to me that sometimes our lives feel like a high-wire act. Whether it’s money, the kids, our health or some other pressing issue, we try to maintain our balance on a very thin line. Make it to the other side and we can breathe again. Fall off the wire and who knows what could happen next.

But what if we choose instead to view our high-wire act as the path to our Best Lives?

One of my favorite quotes from Wayne Dyer is, “When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.”

Consider the wire as the path from where you are to where you want to go with your life. And the pole you carry for balance, your belief in your gifts, talents, and purpose for being in the world. So with a path established and a belief in yourself, you’re now ready to take that first step out onto the wire to begin the journey.

So what’s required for the first step?

Belief: Believe that you have unique gifts, talents and a purpose for being here

Faith: We’re not talking complete faith -  more like mustard seed size faith.

Incremental Courage: Begin with a little bit of courage and watch it grow

Maybe you’re thinking to yourself that Philippe Petit had some sense of fearlessness that enabled him to cross a thin wire from one tower to the other. And you’d be wrong. In the film he talked about his fear of falling. But the vision for his life was bigger than his fear. So he took that first step off the ledge and onto the wire with courage, a belief in his abilities, and faith in himself.

Create a bigger vision for yourself. String a wire from where you are to where you want to go. Believe in yourself and know that you arrived in this world with talents, gifts and a purpose. And have just a little bit of faith and courage. Just enough to get you started.

And watch as your life begins to soar.

Carpe Diem

It’s a beautiful thing when the bits and pieces of our lives come together to create purpose. All of the events that we viewed as random, sometimes painful and many times joyful, now begin to coalesce into a life that honors the reason we’re in the world.

 Yesterday I was doing some writing and I stopped to consider my purpose for being in the world. Suddenly the floodgates opened and I found myself thinking about many of the events that had occurred in my life, some wonderful and some not. But in each one there was at least a sliver of joy or truth.

It occurs to me that in order for the slivers to become signposts, directing us along the road to our best lives, we have to accept the fact that we have a purpose for being here and that being born into this world was not a random event. 

We need to consider the bits and pieces of our lives.

And then be present enough to watch them meld together into a meaningful life. 

Carpe Diem 

It’s becoming increasingly clear to me that there are very few universal truths and that for most of our lives we’re just kinda following the tribe and hoping that our lives work out the way we want them to. Social mores derive from our tribal scripts. And the ones that resonate the most with the tribal council (parents, grandparents, etc) become the values we’re expected to accept and live by.

So if we can’t vote the members of the tribal council off the island, can we vote to leave ourselves?

There’s no doubt that we’ve learned valuable information from the tribe. We understand that touching a hot stove is painful. And hopefully we’e been taught the importance of love, respect, courage, etc. But in so many other areas of our lives, really important areas, we’ve accepted the tribe’s default positions on important issues as our own. So when we dare to color outside the lines (take chances the tribal council members aren’t comfortable with) we risk incurring the wrath of the tribe. But in the end, the phrase “no risk no reward” seems accurate.

Author William James said, “It is only by risking ourselves from one hour to another that we live at all.”

That’s the deal! We have to risk, if we want to be true to who we are and honor our purpose for being on this planet. Otherwise, we’re just going along doing the same thing our tribe is doing and expecting different results. And that’s no way to live.

Every one of us has the requisite courage, faith, talents and gifts we need to live out our calling on this earth. We just have to begin by believing in ourselves.   

 And as far as voting ourselves off the island is concerned, I hear Aruba’s nice this time of year!

Carpe Diem 

Every day an older man walks a Siberian Husky through our neighborhood park. Bundled up tight against the cold, gray winter day, he walks briskly and rarely speaks. The dog dutifully walking right beside him. There’s a rhythm. And a sadness. The man was never much of a dog guy. The Husky belonged to his son who had passed away not long ago.

Whenever I see the two of them, I wonder if the dog is some kind of lifeline - a way for the father to feel connected to his son. I think about the dog who lost his buddy and now feels compelled to comfort and accompany the father. And I wonder if the son is right there walking with them in silence.

A communion of souls. An opportunity for healing. And the promise that life goes on.

In his wonderful book of meditations entitled, “The Awakening,” Mark Nepo quotes poet Kurtis Lamkin:

“Believing is all a child does for a living”

I’ve been thinking about that quote for the past couple of days as I move my life in a new direction. And it occurs to me that as adults, we would do well to get back in touch with the child in us that had no other options but to believe. And as one who celebrates Christmas, there’s no better time to reclaim Belief than right now.

Sometimes it feels like belief is our only option: The money’s gone. Or the job is gone. Maybe we just saw our spouse pack a suitcase and leave for good. Or maybe we had to ask him to leave. Maybe we just lost a child. Or maybe the doctor just gave us the bad news.

Whatever we face, belief is an island we can swim to in a storm. And it’s a a promise to ourselves that if we just hold on a little longer, the sun will shine again.

And it’s a refuge for the people we love, the ones that may have forgotten their child-like ability to believe. That’s when we need to take them by the hand and heart and say, “I love you and I believe in you. And you’ll get through this.” 

There will be times when we see only one set of footprints in the sand and know that we’ve been carried. And sometimes, those footprints will be ours.

But that’s what life is about:

Believing in ourselves enough to turn dark clouds into rainbows

And Believing in others until they believe in themselves